It's getting obvious that I'm facing major changes in life this week, I think.
It's interesting that, for me, my self awareness comes from looking back at the music I'm writing. Since I've been focused on the 'solo' record lately and writing and recording like a man posessed, the songs are pretty personal. At a subconscious level that's probably because I don't need to run them through the filter of a band, get the tacit approval of other people that's required when a 'me' song becomes a 'band' song. The band songs tend to be pretty non-specific, impersonal ones about not-quite-true or embellished events.
The solo ones are a mirror.
What's interesting to me is that if I'm not aware of what's going on internally, all I need to do is look at the songs and I can find out. So if you were to ask me things like "Am I stressed out about X?" it's likely that I'd have a hard time giving you an honest answer. But, take a look through the song journal these days and I must be stressed out about change, leaving people behind, about the uncertain world we live in, and be looking for some kind of sense of continuity and security. It's all there in the songs this morning.
In otherwords, I'm my normal, deeply moody self. Except that I'm writing songs, lots of them. Most of them you won't ever hear, they're too personal. But some will escape from this prison of modesty if there's something universal in them.
No, I don't need a shrink. I have two- a black book of lyrics and an old six-string guitar. And so, off we go this week to record a few more songs, one or two of which may also make it onto the new record.
But don't worry. It's not a collection of depressing songs. Some of them are actually in major keys.
